I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
