unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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