I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
