I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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