i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
