did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
