where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
