Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
