Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
