my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
