They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize