have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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