im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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