i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm like, not good at living.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
