We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
