They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
