I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
