Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
