If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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