i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
