Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
