That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize