She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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