I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
