Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
