It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
