He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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