My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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