the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
