i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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