I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
