my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
