i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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