did you get engaged???
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
