Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
