I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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