He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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