pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize