Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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