im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
