And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
