i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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