i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize