Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
