I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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