elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
