U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
