Will you blow on my dice?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
