Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
