I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
