I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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