sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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