u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
