remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
