..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
