this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
