'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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