I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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