Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
