Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
