i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
