if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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