i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
