It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
