I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
