apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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