I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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