Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
