Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
