Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
