I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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