i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
