i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to be your penis for a week.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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