So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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