he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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