woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
