If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize