Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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