nut hugger
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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