Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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