Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
